The Beige Scare

Here we see the despicable COMMULIST indoctrination in our elementary schools. Do you know why the Chinese make all of our sneakers? Yes! Because COMMULISTS all bow to the altar of Shoethulhu! Rather than the One True Jebus who is the only one who grants our religious freedom! What do you mean, China is capitalist? This is just COMMULIST propaganda! They say they're COMMULIST, therefore they are! Only a linguistic prescriptivist would argue with that statement! I'm so rational!

Look at those twisty Marxist shoelaces that you never have to tie and that you durn kids all had in elementary school! Back in my day, we had to climb Mount McKinley both ways! Don't you correct me, you damn COMMULIST, it's not called "Denali." We corrected the name because McKinley is an objectively better name by Western standards, which are objectively better standards by Western standards of standards! Lazy entitled millenial COMMULISTS are always making use of newfangled technology to reduce hassle! And making them draw, as well - what is this, Poverty School? We should be raising our kids to do exactly what the market says is needed, which is creating newfangled technologies that reduce hassle! It's called freedom, you COMMULIST!